FADE UP ON:

INT: FLAT. NIGHT

BEN and STEVE sit on the sofa, absorbed by the TV.

They live in a media–possessed flat. DVD’s and videos weigh down shelves and bookcases. Film and comic book posters are blue tacked to the every wall. Toys, which kids should never play with, are lovingly positioned around the room.

The rented widescreen television lives in the corner surrounded by more entertainment technology that you can shake a rather large stick at. A DVD player, video recorder, hi-fi (hooked up to the TV for maxim surround sound effect), and a PlayStation 2 from which snake two spent joypads. On top of the PlayStation teeters a tower of well-played games and well-thumbed cheat manuals.

BEN is in his mid-twenties, his mid-life crisis due early as he has failed to organise or sort out his life, career, and relationships. He’s a dreamer, his head stuck permanently in the clouds. His dream is a job as a comic book artist, the reality, a dead end job in a coffee shop.

BEN is slouched on the sofa, the remote in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. He wears a T-shirt with the Thundercats logo embossed on the front, well worn jeans and Airwalks that are well beyond their wear-by-date. His hair is a controlled mess and he sports a ten past five o’clock shadow. BEN is a small boy trapped in an adult life.

STEVE on the other hand has it all sorted; in his version of life that is. He’s also in his mid-twenties, works in the City for a faceless bank, earns too much, spends even more, and organises his life down to the last nano-second with an array of expensive equipment. A laptop, a palm pilot, and a mobile that doubles as a laptop. There’s not enough hours in the day for STEVE’S life. Between work and the long series of vacuous one-night stands, STEVE’S calendar is full. But have no fear, STEVE has it all action planned and bullet pointed.

STEVE is well-groomed and clean-shaven, he wears a Ben Sherman shirt, tie discarded as soon as he stepped out of the office and a pair of tailored suit trousers. He rests his pricey loafers on the coffee table while sucking on a can of Stella.

They’re watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

BEN looks away from the TV as if a great thought has just occurred to him.

BEN: Terminator.

STEVE: (not looking away from TV) What?

BEN: The Terminator!

STEVE: Arnie’s finest hour – what about it?

BEN: It’s a paradox.

STEVE: (looking at BEN) That’s truly fascinating. Can I get back to buff Buffy please?

BEN: But you asked me for an example.

STEVE: When?

BEN: During our Back to the Future back to back marathon.

STEVE: Mate, that was two weeks ago.

BEN: I’ve been mulling it over.

STEVE: Obviously. Have you ever thought of writing down these random observations? You could make - I don’t know – a shiny penny.

BEN: Do you want to hear why it’s a paradox?

STEVE: Is there any way I can stop you?

BEN: Not without a short spell in jail.

STEVE: Let me refuel.

STEVE struggles up from the sofa and into the kitchen for another can.

BEN: (shouts out) Stick the kettle on while you’re out there, Steve!

STEVE: (shouting back) Yes mum.

STEVE re-enters with a fresh can. He slumps back down, cracks the can open, sucks up the froth and looks expectantly up at BEN.

BEN: Are you sitting comfortably?

STEVE: Get on with it.

BEN: Ok. The Terminator films can never happen because they are very basically flawed, due to the rules of a paradox. We all know the story; robotic killing machine sent back from the future to kill Sarah Connor, the mother of the human resistance leader in the future, but the son learns of the plan and also sends back a soldier to stop the robotic killing machine. Right?

STEVE: I need a couple more cans to understand that completely, but I get the gist.

BEN: Spoiler warning. In the end the soldier helps Sarah Connor destroy the robotic killing machine, dying in the process, but not before shagging her and making her pregnant. Pregnant with the future resistant leader who sent him back in the first place.

STEVE: Ah, the classic love story.

BEN: However, this is all a paradox.

STEVE: Of course it is, mate.

BEN: It’s floored. In Terminator 2 they are ultimately trying to stop the future war, to save millions of lives, but they can’t because if the war doesn’t happen, then the robotic killing machine and the soldier where never sent back to fight and shag Sarah Connor respectively and the future resistance leader John Connor was never born. This creates a paradoxical time loop. You see in order to…

BEN is interrupted by the sunny chirp of STEVE’S mobile.

STEVE digs his mobile out of his jacket pocket, that’s slung over the back of the sofa and answers it.

STEVE: (into mobile) Hi Sal – Tomorrow? – Let me just check. (STEVE hunts out his palm pilot and jabs it with the little plastic stick) I’m afraid tomorrow is a full-scale nightmare. How about Thursday? – Yep – Great – I’m penning you in – see you later.

STEVE snaps his mobile shut, makes a few alterations on his palm pilot and then turns back to BEN.

STEVE: Sally. Student nurse. The things that girl can do with a stethoscope. Sorry, mate, carry on.

BEN: Um – well – that’s it really.

STEVE: Great.

STEVE re-adjusts himself to face the TV again and knocks the can back.

Beat.

BEN: Minority Report is flawed as well.

STEVE: Shut up, mate!

FADE TO BLACK

INSERT TITLE CARD: PARADOX – Improbably Coming Soon - probably.